we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
