I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
