i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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