just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
