Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
