i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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