The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize