What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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