I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Randomize
