mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
