is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
