We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
