I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
