In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
