I love black thongs
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
