At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize