Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
