I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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