Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
