i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
