Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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