when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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