Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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