4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Drake has all the answers
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