i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
