we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
