his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
