Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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