i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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