Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
