I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
