We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
