he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we're so committed to being not committed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
