With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
