We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
