So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just had sex on a roof
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