Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize