Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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