Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
