what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
