You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
