I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
