i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
