Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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