my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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