Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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