Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
