How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i think i just lost a toe
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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