He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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