i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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