Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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