I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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