the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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