this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
