really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
