he was CRYING into my vagina
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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