I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
