your room smells of hookers.
And success
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
