Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
