I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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