At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
