Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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