Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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