dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
