omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
