Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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