I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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