R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
