would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
whose parrot is this?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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