just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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