i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
