I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
