There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
