Umm I'm too high to move.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
