Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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