Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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