He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
