sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
