i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize