I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize