I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
