Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
