Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
